Wedding etiquette 101

Do you have a pressing question that you fear may make you sound like a bridezilla? 

“My fiancé and I live together, so we have what we need. Is it rude to ask for cash instead of gifts?”

It isn’t rude to request money, or you could set up a special account so guests can contribute towards something specific, like your honeymoon. People like to know they have enhanced your happiness.

“My mom has a pic of the dress she wants to wear on the day, but it’s quite inappropriate. Help!”

Gently let her know that you don’t think the dress is suitable and that what she wears will be captured forever in your photographs. Then suggest a day you can shop for something great and make lovely memories.

“An acquaintance who wasn’t invited to our wedding is complaining about it. Should I talk to her?”

It can be tricky when an acquaintance tries to muscle in on an intimate event, but it’s your day, not hers, and you’re allowed to be selfish. You could let her down easy, by saying: “I’m sorry but we’re having a small event, and only close friends and family are invited.” If you don’t want an awkward discussion simply send an email to clarify the situation and pre-empt any gossip.

“A friend wants to propose to his girlfriend at our wedding. I’m happy for them, but it’s our wedding. Can I say no?”

The short and only answer is “No”. Not only because it’s your wedding day, but also out of care for his girlfriend. His proposal needs to be all about her and your special day is definitely not the place.

“My fiancé’s mom is too involved in our planning. How do I ask her to back off?”

My advice is not to tell her to back off. Rather, make her feel more involved by giving her specific tasks or inviting her to participate in areas where you need a second opinion, such as the cake or menu tasting. That way, you’ll stay in control of where and how she is involved, and she’ll still feel wanted.

“Can I wear a white dress to a same-sex ceremony with two grooms?”

Wedding etiquette dictates that you shouldn’t wear white to anyone’s wedding ceremony. So no!

“My divorced parents don’t get on. How can I include them, but keep them apart?”

Ease any tension by seating them both in the front row at the ceremony. Just make sure you have people between them. When it comes to the reception, assign them each a table to host. And brief the photographer so that group pics are sensitively handled.

NOTE: While working for The Wedding Group I contributed to a number of stories in Glamour magazine. This is one of them which was published in the September 2017 issue.

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